Guest Post

A good buddy of mine is a Canadian ex patriot living in Japan right now and since we gamed together for years a good chunk of our emailed correspondence is Nerd related, the rest is.... well Hockey. Recently he came up with something hilarious so we figured we should post it here. Enjoy.

Pies Iesu domine, dona eis requiem . . . Whack!
In a recent side conversation Mr. Misanthropy and I have been
discussing that other obsession that all us gamers share
(aside from nerding it up). You know it, Mr. Misanthropy knows it, I
know it, and Rich Burlew knows it well (Oots#136 It's Not a Gaming
Session Until Someone Quotes Monty Python). We can all do the
Constitutional Peasant in our sleep or maybe that`s just me.

But have you ever really thought, how well would the Pythons do in a
gaming environment? I think the answer is not very well. Those pasty
Cambridge boys would be chopped into bait faster than you can say Fish
Slapping Dance. But one of their immortal creations would easily
survive and terrorize even the most hardened group of gamers.

So here, for your enjoyment and edification is the Fiendish Vorpal Bunny:


Fiendish Vorpal Bunny
Tiny Magical Beast

Hit Dice: 4D10-4 (18)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 30ft
AC: 18(dexterity, dodge, tiny size)/ touch 18/ flatfooted 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +9/-5
Attack: Bite 1d4-3 (15-20)
Space/Reach: 0/0 ft
Special Attacks: Keen Vorpal Bite, Pounce
Special Qualities:
Damage reduction 10/fire, Low-light vision
Saves:
- Fortitude: +2
- Reflex: +8
- Will: +1
Abilities:
- Strength: 3
- Dexterity: 20
- Constitution: 8
- Intelligence: 3
- Wisdom: 10
- Charisma: 3
Skills: Jump +8, Tumble +8
Feats: Weapon Finesse (Bite), Dodge, Mobility
Environment: Cave of Caer-Banog or cold mountains
Organization: Single
Challenge Rating: 6
Treasure: Rare collectors copy of Monty Python Shooting script
Alignment: Always Neutral

In Combat:
Keen Vorpal Bite: The Fiendish Vorpal Bunny bite is its deadliest
attack. On a successful critical, the bunny`s bite decapitates its
victim with no save possible.
Pounce: On a charge the Fiendish Vorpal Bunny can make two attacks
instead of one.

Re-Animated !!!!!

I must have picked up a level in Necromancer at some point in my rather varied career path, as I amazingly managed to piece my computer back together with the parts of lesser computers. In celebration of that fact I sat down and threw together a 3.5 Dungeons and Dragons monster loosely based upon my computers recent resurrection. But feel free to reuse it to represent anything that your Campaign/Hackfest calls for, something with legs might be infinitely more intimidating.

Small Re-Animated Object
- Undead Construct

Hit Dice: 2d12 + 13
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30ft
AC: 15/13 touch/14 flatfooted
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/+5
Attack: Slam +2 1d4 +1
Space/Reach: 5/5 ft
Special Attacks: None
Special Qualities:
- Single actions only, Damage reduction 5/Slashing, Darkvision 60 ft
- Undead traits
Saves:
- Fortitude: +0
- Reflex: +1
- Will: +3
Abilities:
- Strength: 12
- Dexterity: 10
- Constitution: 0
- Intelligence: 0
- Wisdom: 10
- Charisma: 1
Skills: None
Feats: Toughness
Environment: Home or Workplace.
Organization: Pair (chair)
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: Neverwinter Nights save files, rare Born Against bootlegs.
Alignment: Always Chaotic Neutral

Sorry about the delay, but now that I can type on a real (ly old) keyboard I beat I will post more.